Relative Humidity

The urge to hurry up and fix things...

The garden is divided up into 7 sections with a stone pathway running between them. Originally I had used the iron stone on the property for the edging around the sections but decided to change them to a larger borderstone that looked less rustic. When I first moved here 13 years ago my image of the garden was brick pathways, a more formal look. But in part to please my exboyfriend, I settled on stone pathways with the rustic iron stone to keep the earth in its place. Over the years, erosion and neglect made the iron stone less capable of doing a good job of border patrol. 

And so I had a pallet of new border stones delivered from Lowes a few weeks prior to my unexpected leisure time. The pallet was set next to the porch and at first I would take a couple down to the garden at a time. Pull up the iron stone, which by the way I am resituating by creating a rock wall to border the garden nearest the house, clean up the area of debris that had collected on the pathway and place the new stone securely in its place. 

After completing one side of a garden section, this took a few days, I decided I would redesign the garden along the way. But redesign into what? Did I have a plan? Well sort of. In my head I guess. Well did I need a plan? Did I have a plan now that I  found myself without a job? Graduate school would start but that was only two night class and I teach violin on Tuesday evenings. What plan did I have now? The panic of making something happen, stressing about finding another job weighed heavy on my mind as I continued to place stone after stone. I wasn't really being in the garden, my mind was somewhere else. 

One morning after placing another stone, I got to my feet and saw the section of split rail fence that had fallen the month before. I remembered thinking then that I should hurry up and call someone to replace the post and worried about who I would call and how much it would cost. And then I questioned myself and asked, do I need to replace the fence? Do I like the fence? Did I ever like the fence? What would it look like without a fence? 

Maybe I'll wait and see.

And maybe I needed to do the same kind of questioning at this moment. Like the garden plan or lack thereof, maybe I need to take time and ask the right questions about the situation I'm in and the path I'll make for myself. The garden plan will come about one section at a time. It will reveal itself in wonderful ways if I am more present in the garden and not in my head somewhere. And my life plan will come about as well. For now I need to heal, recharge, slow down and clear a space to make new.